Rachael and Jasper

I understand why the Marketing department put Wonder Woman front and center, so you can see her bare-skinned beauty (and even her underwear), but I think to fight, some more protective gear is in order, so I gave her some more suitable additions of leg and arm coverings. It's impossible to miss how well-costumed the male characters are, while she is much more exposed. And so it goes, and what to do? 

Are they trying to make her character more appealing to a certain demographic of male audience members? Or did they think little girls wouldn't look up to her as a female superhero icon if she wasn't also sexy? It doesn't make sense. (Make it make sense.) It's all advertising ... and which gender is it that mostly works in advertising?"

A fictional vignette and dialogue inspired by research into how the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution is still not a law, and how strange and frustrating that is. What's the big picture, and what is the superficial reasoning for this? How can young women be supported and encouraged to move forward independently when so much oppression falls on their shoulders, weighing them down before they even have a chance to overcome more gender neutral and human obstacles in life? What unifies us, and what separates us? Why is domestic abuse and sex trafficking still pervasive and common? Why are women still dismissed, disrespected, and objectified from birth, so much more than men and boys?

"Hey Rachael! Want a ride?" The boy stopped the car and looked at her expectantly.

"Sure, thanks, Jasper. I'm just going to the Sleeping Lady." She stopped walking and stood by the passenger door, waiting.

"Get in!" He said with a small smile. She stood there silently, glancing at him, then up at the sky.

"It's unlocked." He didn't understand what she was waiting for.

She looked at him through the rolled-down window, saying nothing, and adjusted her messenger bag on her shoulder.

"What's up? You *don't* want a ride?"

"I'm just waiting for you to open the door." She spoke quietly and matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean, it's open, hop in."

Rachael sighed slightly, "I'm waiting for *you* to open it for *me*."

"Sorry, what?"

"I'm serious, Jasper." She stepped closer, leaning slightly toward the rolled-down window, her hands gripping the strap of her messenger bag. "We are about the same age, but statistically, just because you were born a guy, you’re going to make eighty-four cents to my dollar for the exact same work. If we enter corporate jobs, you’ll be fast-tracked for promotions. If we go into academia, only thirty-three percent of tenured professors are women, even though women carry out the overwhelming majority of the actual teaching and nurturing of the youth in this country." She paused, looking past him toward the empty road for a second before fixing her gaze back on him. Her voice remained steady and quiet, but completely unwavering.

"It’s everything all at once. The Equal Rights Amendment still hasn't been ratified into our Constitution. We've had forty-five presidents over two and a half centuries, and not a single one has been a woman. Congress is only twenty-eight percent women. And then you track the realities of domestic violence and human trafficking statistics, and it feels like this massive, systemic layer of patriarchy is just engineered to crush our potential before we even get a chance to start our lives." Rachael stopped to take a breath before continuing. "Boys get excused for bad behavior with a shrug, while women are fighting just to feel safe walking down the street." She shifted her bag, her posture straight and defiant, though a sudden wave of exhaustion crossed her face.

"It makes me furious, but it doesn't mean I'm just going to accept it. So no, I didn't expect you to get out and open a door for me. But guys born into all that automatic structural advantage through no fault of their own? The literal least they can do is use that positioning to show some basic, intentional respect. Thousands of years of history won't change overnight, but small, chivalrous acts of kindness are the absolute bare minimum to clear a few hurdles out of the way so we can actually move forward together."

"Well, uhm. Yes, I think I get it. Let me pull over and I'll get the door for you."

"Really? That's surprisingly cool, thank you." Rachael waited for Jasper to pull over and exit the vehicle. She was really genuinely surprised that he did so, instead of laughing or driving off.

Back in the car together, he put on his turn signal despite no one being on the road and drove back onto the quiet street. 

"You know," he said, "I consider myself a feminist too. I have sisters ..."

"And a mom, " Rachael added.

"Yeah, and a mom," he agreed, "who taught me about human rights since I was a kid, and my dad too."

"So you get it," she commented.

"Well, I don't know if I get why you wanted me to open the door for you just then, but I definitely get the bigger picture of male dominance in society based on historical and societal norms, and things like physical strength and majority in business and government ..." Jasper explained.

Rachael took a deep breath and let out an even bigger sigh, "I guess I just feel so frustrated and overwhelmed with life sometimes and work and school and family, and then I read about how our government is made up of a much larger percentage of men than women who literally make rules and laws that control and affect all the women in the country..." she paused for another deep breath and exhale before continuing. "And then guys our age seem to act like we are equal at times, and then other times they take advantage of their gender, or continue to propagate sexist, chauvinistic themes and tropes, and they think this is funny."

Jasper looked over at her with a thoughtful countenance, then back to the road. "You're not wrong."

Rachael nodded, "I know I'm not. Millions of women know this; it's most men who don't seem to know it. The Me Too Movement was a tiny drop in the bucket. Sexism and sexist discrimination and disrespect are alive and doing all too well. And I know it seems pointless or whatever to expect you to open a door for me-"

"No, it doesn't ..." Jasper interjected.

"Let me finish ... I know it seems pointless, but those tiny acts of, let's call it 'gentlemanly respect' can add up, and can be seen by other men as important signs that they should follow."

"I actually agree," Jasper sounded like he was serious. "Especially if men, or actually, especially if younger guys like me, displayed that kind of behavior with each other, when women weren't even present. Like the typical "locker room talk" that you, I'm sure, are familiar with, where guys are not only putting down women in general with derogatory statements, but also denigrating specific women, whether they are famous actors or ex-girlfriends. It's fucked up bullshit and shows that they aren't considering women as people, let alone equals."

"Yeah," Rachael was nodding furiously. "*If* that type of mindset and behavior and discussion could cease to exist, we could coexist and unify, and maybe actually respect and appreciate each other more. It's not funny to speak about women the way you hear every day, especially sex workers. I honestly think that when one woman is belittled or antagonized because of her work and life choices, then we all are."

"No," Jasper spoke quietly but determinedly, "it's not funny at all. And I don't think it's silly that you wanted me to open your door. It's literally the least I can do, and that's not saying much, really...but I don't think it's silly. And think about how many more men are recognized as mathematicians, inventors, and scientists, not to mention space engineers. When you look at history and all the advantages and opportunities men had for education, academics, and job exploration compared to women, it's really staggering. It seems like progress is constantly two steps forward and four steps back, unless you're either a very attractive or very brilliant white male of our species."

"What do you mean, 'very attractive?' " she asked, curious.

"Oh, well, you know, look at me. I'm pretty gangly ... not exactly a prime example of Grade A man meat as the market goes..."

Rachael's mouth dropped open and she closed it quickly before asking, "I'm sor ...excuse me? Did you refer to yourself as 'man-meat'??"

Jasper laughed, "Oh my God, I did to myself what I'm saying men shouldn't do to women," "I think I need to do some personal insight and self-correction before I'm allowed out in public again."

She smiled at him, appreciating his candor and attitude. "Yeah, it's funny sometimes to be self-deprecating, but it's not really healthy for your mind and mental self-esteem. But, I get it. I'm one of the least confident people I know. I'd like to change that though."

He looked over again and smiled at her as he pulled into the parking lot near the cafe. "It's been really nice talking to you, I'm glad I saw you and that you agreed to a ride."

"Me too. I like to walk, but I'm glad we talked. This was a good conversation, maybe we can do it again sometime."

He smiled back, "For sure, I have to go to the library to return some books, but I'll see you later I hope."

"Thanks, Jasper. And sorry I was so weird earlier, I just feel depressed lately, but I don't want to give up hope."

"All ye who enter here ...!"

She laughed suddenly, surprised at his quote, "Hah! Nice one."

"And it's fine, I think it was a good speech you gave, and very eloquent for a side-of-the-road lecture on humanism and women's rights."

"Oh my gosh, I totally didn't mean to lecture you." Rachael was slightly abashed.

"No, no, no, it's really fine, and I think every guy needs to hear a 'lecture'—" he used his hands to do air quotes "—like that sooner rather than later, whether they consider themselves a feminist, appreciate feminism (or even understand what it means), or not, because you know what? It's true that we are all individuals, but that we influence each other, and the more guys show equal respect for women at all times, and stand up for them to other guys, then the better off everyone will be, and the safer women will be too."

"Wow." Rachael was impressed and feeling really glad that the morning went the way it did after her crappy start to the day, from sleeping badly to waking up to her own sister hogging the bathroom, and there being no coffee left in the kitchen after her mom left for work. "That was a pretty good speech yourself!"

"Thanks. I didn't mean it to be, but yeah, it's all pretty fucked up. I don't know why there's so much inequality in the world, but I'm grateful for all the privileges I have, and it's good to be more aware of it." Jasper sounded resigned, but not hopeless.

"Okay. Well, I just want you to know I appreciate the conversation, and the ride too," she smiled softly, unbuckled her seat belt, and sat quietly.

"Yeah, me too, definitely, and I can text you later if that's okay. I think my mom is making her famous muffaletta picnic sandwich feast this weekend, and we all eat out in the yard and I think you'd like it, if you might want to come?" He talked a little faster toward the end of the invitation, showing some slight nerves at the proposal.

"Sure! That sounds fun, if there's enough, and I have to check my work schedule, but yeah, thanks Jasper!"

"Cool, cool. I'm already looking forward to our future conversation, it will be fun, and I promise to get the door for you when you come over, or I could pick you up? It's okay, I know you have to go, we can text about it."

"No worries," she smiled at him again. "And yes, you can open the door for me anytime, and I promise to do the same for you. Courtesy doesn't go out of style."

"Okay, cool. Thanks, I mean, I agree. Manners are learned though; it's not automatically ingrained in our beings."

"That's true. Being 'nice and polite' though ... that's a whole 'nother conversation about how women are taught and expected to behave, even when they are being insulted. Shit. Now I'm getting infuriated again. It's the 'nice girl' trope ... or cliché ... again and again. But, later. Anyway, yes, I would definitely open a door for you." She smiled sincerely.

"Ha, yes, I know you would. Okay then, it's a date. I mean, a plan. So, I'll text you later and let you know what time to come over, and the address and stuff."

"Sounds good, thanks again for the ride."

They sat in the car looking at each other, then Jasper started, "Oh, sorry, let me get your door!" He chuckled as he undid his belt and jumped out of the car and hustled around to her side.

Rachael laughed, "I was kind of kidding this time, actually, but thanks!" She waved to him as he drove away.

Rachael never expected him to open the door for her when he offered her a ride; that would be weird, but he did, *and* he listened and seemed really open to understanding what was pissing her off, and he seemed pissed off too. He understood that it wasn't about him, but about society and culture, and how people can be made to feel "less than" because of not only laws and rules, but daily interactions and behaviors.

[I grew up when feminism was still as misunderstood as it is today, but it was the beginning of the ERA and cultural awareness of the inequality in homes, relationships, and the workplace between women and men. The zeitgeist as reflected in the media made it seem more like a fad than a major civil rights movement to try and change society, with 9 to 5 and Charlie's Angels, Wonder Woman and The Bionic Woman, showing more fierce independence and desire for women to be seen as more than housekeepers, homemakers, and sex objects. But these shows both advanced and commercialized the movement, which was as confusing as it was inspirational.]

[The old, quotable, Enjoli perfume commercial is the absolute perfect example for this.

That 1970s and '80s jingle:"I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let you forget you're a man," perfectly encapsulates that type of mixed message. It packaged the idea of the "liberated woman" not as someone demanding systemic equality or structural change, but as a glamorous "superwoman" who was now expected to do it all: work full-time, handle 100% of the traditional domestic housework, and remain a flawless, attentive partner, not to mention that single women were totally *expected* to be sexually active, even aggressive, and *into* one-night-stands (see the show "Three's Company," for example).

Instead of relieving the pressure on women, the commercialized version of feminism just added a proverbial second shift. It can be infuriating to look at how pop culture and advertising diluted a civil rights movement into a marketing trope.]

 The thing is ... we are Always learning.

I randomly decided to sign up for two online classes from Gale Academy via the public library to boost my brain power and keep my neurons firing. I haven't taken an online class for years (not counting the art workshops I have been doing regularly since pandemic times). I signed up for a UI/UX class, and a WordPress class. I don't know how I will do with these mostly self-paced endeavors, but I will make an effort to do the work and complete them.

I got a manicure last week to celebrate losing a certain amount of pounds since November, and the polish has already peeled halfway off or chipped, because I use my hands and fingers and nails as tools. I had hoped it would stay nice until the Purity Ring concert at the end of the month, so I am disappointed, but I can re-paint them myself before then. I just had a weird memory of when I was either in a store or working in a store and a woman had very chipped nail polish, as did I at the time, and I commented that we had "the same nails." She reacted very confused, because the color was different (I think she had purple or blue and I had black), and I explained that we both had very chipped polish. The point was lost. I don't know why we recall such odd things.

Here's a couple of photos I took the other day that I really like:

I also have a black and white version of the sidewalk one, but I think I prefer the color one!

I don't know, but I've been told ...

 There is a right way to do things, and a wrong way. I think there are multiple right and wrong ways, and multiple ways in between those two too. I have in mind the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: Always Do Your Best, Don't Make Assumptions, Don't Take Anything Personally, and Be Impeccable with Your Word. If you can consider those concepts when interacting with others, it may be very helpful so that you don't react defensively, or feel hurt emotionally. He says in his book that it is natural and realistic to be imperfect, but if you keep these four ideas in mind, it will help you to live more fully and peacefully with yourself and other people. Like these two cats, from the video game Pentiment, where the scenes are decorated in the style of Illuminated Manuscripts. (This one is especially cool because it resembles our two cats, orange and black, except that they aren't in the cuddling-so-close stage of their relationship yet!)

Here are some more of my Black and White photo shots, which I think of as experiments, but are just me trying to capture something that caught my eye. Instead of playing with them in editing, I found I could change the filter on the phone camera to B&W before I even take the picture, which I've been trying to do, to reduce time messing around with the pics afterwards. Get out there and take some pictures! What caught your attention or made you do a double take because it was such an appealing scene or object? I'd love to take more portraits and candid-style shots in B&W, but I've always been shy about approaching people or asking for permission to take their picture. I hope to overcome that sometime, it's not that scary.

"Ï don't wanna do the work today" (from Firebringer by StarKid Productions)

 I don't feel like writing, even though I have a lot of ideas, but I want to post to maintain continuity, so here is a Friday Happy cat picture, Peace and Love, Kat

happy april happy space travel happy moon

 Happy Spring! 

Every Spring when I see the tulip shoots from previous years coming out of the ground and into the light, I wish I planted more of them. 

I'm on day 30 something of my no-TV experience, and I am very grateful that I chose to do it. I think it's not as hard as I thought it would be, because I don't regret missing out on the lives of fictional characters.

Here's a quote from Shakti Gawain from one of my favorite books with daily wisdom.

"I am learning to manage my money wisely and well." from the section in September (it's a small book with dates). This topic is a big one in my life, and I have said (to myself) how cool it would be to have a financial therapist who specializes in helping you understand your relationship with money and what your history in with learning about it and earning it and using it.

Here's the whole page: 

Accept your responsibility for money

When it comes to money, don't function as a child wanting somebody else to be the responsible parent. If you don't hold the energy of responsibility for your own money, it doesn't matter how much you have or are able to bring into your life. Someone will take advantage of you and you'll lose it, or you'll create some kind of disaster. You have to take responsibility for your money and learn enough so that you can make intelligent decisions. Activate your inner "financial manager," and be open to learning whatever you need to know from others who understand how to manage money wisely.

I think it would be helpful to write my memories and experiences with money to better understand why I feel a certain way about it, and how those emotions affect my proverbial pocketbook.

For now, I am grateful to be able to listen to the Artemis II space crew talk about the mooooooooonnn!! From SPACE!!!! How cool is that?? 

Well, Well, Well

 And here we go again. Or here I go, rather, with yet Another instance of not knowing something I should have known: that I have two Blogger blogs, and they are separate entities. 

This was supposed to be a writing blog, for essays, bad poetry (I say that both objectively and subjectively), maybe uploads of old stories I've written long ago, and possibly new fiction (though that's not my usual jam, I get creative occasionally).

But then I started the jawb blahg when I was job searching, and wanted to write about it, and then years later I added a Wordpress blog for sharing my art (which feels a lot lower pressure than where people might actually see it, like Instagram).

So I forgot this existed, and also didn't get that it was its own thing, until I looked at my profile today and saw two blogs listed. Interesting I thought, what's that about? Ah, that coffee memory recollection piece I wrote twenty years ago...that was fun. That was nice, but so much was going on that I couldn't keep it up.

Cheers to unexpected second blogs! Whatever this means, maybe I'll keep using the other one for personal mental ramblings about life, and this one for more concentrated attempts at writing. Or I'll give the other one a rest for a minute. I'm not bored exactly, but I'm getting tired of it lately. It would be nice to focus on my creative pursuits, and I can "journal on my own time," instead of rapping nonsensically in this format.

We will see, well, I will. Peace and Love, Be kind to one another, and most of all, yourself.

And Happy Birthday to my dear dad, Jim. I miss you and thank you for everything you did for us. 🍀🩷

Raisins

 Preamble

This is interesting: I thought this blog had evaporated into the ether of the land of the lost internet (which is where I'm pretty sure my hotmail account went). I got an email saying there hasn't been activity on it in so long that it would be deleted soon. Turns out that was the motivation I needed in order to start writing again. 

It's not that I haven't been writing at all; I am a fairly prolific letter writer in general; but since my uncle died last summer I have not even been doing that much, since he was my main correspondent. I started writing to one of my former teachers in California who I am still in touch with but she doesn't respond regularly, so it was pretty one sided and that doesn't inspire me to keep it up.

But I feel welcomed back by Blogger now to continue my random thoughts and create more first person essays (are these essays? not really, but that's okay!) so here I go!

Read more »